bowdak
by Princess Peregrine
Summary: Crack fic. i'm not sorry. yes i am. this sucks. i'm so sorry. i should have been writing the next chapter of my marriage au. but no. i wrote this. thanks to. actually no reason. it's a crackfic. the last time i tried writing a crack fic people took it seriously. that miraculous ladybug fic was crap. none of you better like this. i'm serious. Catra and Adora get married. i think.


"You may now kiss the bride." Rogelio said, causing many things to happen at once. The first thing to happen was Adora literally broke the ground beneath her as she dived into Catra. Adora scooped Catra off the ground and held Catra parallel to the ground as they kissed. Whoops and hollers filled the room with a few sobs. Scorpia was almost wailing with how enthusiastic her sobs were. There were only two people in the room that stayed quiet. The first of the people was Shadow Weaver, which had been expected, publicly she had either been reclusive or extremely hostile. What that meant for Catra and Adora growing up Glimmer couldn't fathom. Glimmer had her eyes on the second quiet one, tall, muscular, and being a climbing post for Entrapta. But above all these traits, one stood out to her. He was handsome, unnaturally so. Bow was with Glimmer, at the wedding and at home. He was right there beside her making happy screams for Adora and Catra. He however, had not noticed the large figure that walked in with Entrapta, Entrapta and Scorpia had distracted him before he could meet the stranger.

The ceremony was not quickly resolved as Adora and Catra would not separate. They had almost fucked then and there at the altar before Shadow Weaver intervened. Almost everyone was perfectly fine with them making out in front of them, it was a sight to behold after so many years of waiting. What happened did make the guests glad that no one brought kids. It had been a bit much for a few people in the audience when Catra started ripping through the chest of Adora's dress. But now it was the reception, people laughing, having their own fun, drinks being passed around, it was the perfect distraction after what had happened. Even if some had taken the ceremony as the theme for the rest of the night. Lonnie was hanging off Perfuma's shoulder as she drunkenly flirted. Kyle was far more clingy to Rogelio than he had been, feeling more comfortable in the environment. The Brides themselves had downed a few drinks of their own and had already cut the cake, Adora accidentally expertly cutting off Catra's bra by accident.

Glimmer decided she had enough trying to keep Frosta's drinking in check. Frosta had only turned twenty one the week and was ecstatic to learn that there would be hard drinks for free. Glimmer had tried to make her take things slow, but after the fourth shot and her flirting with everyone around her Glimmer had to leave. Glimmer wasn't drinking herself, but was tempted to at least have some hard lemonade. It had been a few weeks since she had stocked her house with whiskey of her own and was starting to crave something. She wouldn't drink though, she had made a deal about who would be the driver with Bow. The argument ultimately ended with that neither of them would drink that night. Glimmer was wading through Adora's and Catra's drunken friends looking for Bow. Glimmer at first was confident that she'd recognize almost everyone, although she forgot to account for all of Catra's friends. For some odd reason she had assumed Catra wouldn't have as many friends as Adora, she didn't expect more. Catra had gone to a very hard to get into college where she lived while Adora went to public college with Gimmer and Bow. Glimmer had a suspicion that Adora would have married Catra much sooner if it hadn't been for their financial difference.

Glimmer walked through the crowd almost drowning in the thickness of the air. Glimmer now understood why Adora and Catra chose the church with the largest basketball court in the state. Glimmer was about to check the halls when she spotted Bow at the back talking to someone. She made her way over slowly, doing her best to avoid pushing people aside aggressively. She did her best, but failed, to avoid touching anyone's tail as she passed by. It was likely her imagination but it sounded as if sometimes when she brushed by people seemed to start moaning from somewhere in the middle of the court.

Bow had approached Entrapta to ask about a few things, her plans, potential plans, any custom manufactured metal she might need. His real curiosity lied in finding out if Entrapta was still with Scorpia. After the ceremony he had seen Entrapta and the tall stranger together and had some questions that he needed answers. He liked gossip, even if it was just his friends talking about themselves, he considered it gossip. He would also be lying if he wasn't impressed by how quickly Entrapta drank her way down an entire bottle before he approached her. Soon enough after starting a conversation with Entrapta a hand wrapped it's way around Entrapta.

"Oh Bow, this is my boyfriend Hordak." Entrapta said giddily. A great sense of drunken pride coming across as she spoke the title of boyfriend.

"I thought you said you were dating Scorpia?" Bow asked, confused slightly but not much, Entrapta had lost of little of her shock value after he had worked with her for years. Although Bow was shocked by how tall Hordak was. He was almost intimidated, He seemed to be the same height as Shadow Weaver which already was a scary connection. The muscular mechanical arms caught him off guard, the amount of people he had met with prosthetics were countable on one hand.

"I am, still dating Scorpia that is. I don't plan to stop dating her. I'm open to multiple relationships and Hordak and Scorpia understand that." Entrapta explained.

"I take it you're the bow she speaks so highly of?" Hordak asked, extending his hand not around Entrapta to Bow. "I'm Hordak."

"I just told him that, you were here for that." Entrapta said as a whisper to herself.

"The names Bow, but i wouldn't know about anyone speaking highly of me." Bow said, extending his own hand.

Glimmer walked up behind Bow as he shook the tall strangers hand. It was the first thing she saw of the man as she hadn't been looking up, trying to avoid any possible eye contact. Bow's hand gripped around someone's who was clearly stronger, easily dominating the grip.

"Glimmer!" Bow said with glee at his fiancee showing up. "This is Hordak, Entrapta's boyfriend." Bow introduced.

"Isn't she dating-" Glimmer started.

"Yes I am." Entrapta answered quickly.

Glimmer finally stood up straight and got a good view of the very chiseled Hordak. She had probably been a little intoxicated from the smell or Frosta had very lightly spiked her water, but she got absorbed in Hordak almost instantly. She wondered if this is what Adora felt when she saw her mom for the first time. Glimmer really hadn't expected her mom to be so attractive to Adora, and she really hadn't been ready for her to walk in on them. But Glimmer thinks she might have understood why now, Glimmer was most certainly infatuated with how Hordak looked. She had been so attracted that she nearly didn't see him lift his arm or hear him speak.

"Oh right, my names Glimmer, the pleasure is mine." Glimmer said, a large dumb smile plastered on her face. She had a quick internal struggle with herself on whether or not she should try and duck out with Hordak for a little fun. Plenty of others had already done so. The bushes being so filled and the classrooms locked people had started retreating back to their cars. And the only reason she knew this was from the honk that had come from a car that didn't open it's doors afterwards. She decided against it, the man was, an intoxicating visual, but that was all. And he didn't exactly beat out Bow in any way, Bow was still the most handsome man she'd seen in her life.

And suddenly, Hordak was on his knees, surprising Glimmer. Entrapta seemed to walk away a second before this happened. Hordak still holding onto Glimmer's tight. And quickly he was massaging Glimmer's leg as his hand that held onto her and massaged Bow the same. Glimmer was startled by this but said nothing, allowing Hordaks pull towards him. Bow seemed to have the same reaction as her as Hordaks hand slipped under Glimmer's dress and massaged the underside of her panties. Hordak worked the same with bow, taking his belt off and lowering his pants with expert skill with one hand. Hordak pinched the fabric and began to stand up again.

"Miss Glimmer, let go of my hand." Hordak said, pulling his hand away from hers. "I think I will go dance with my daughter now, it is tradition after all."

"Oh, who's your daughter?" Bow asked, speaking perfectly normally. Glimmer had a slight panic, that fantasy came so quickly and without planning. She must have been too tired to think straight.

"Catra is my daughter, in a sense. Legally I am so i have to provide child support and everything. It was some loophole Shadow Weaver found when we were together. And if you'll excuse me, I think i see her flashing her wifes tits to a crowd." Hordak said before walking away.

"Sorry about him, he's pretty distant with most people, and speaks in exposition dumps and monologues. Small talk isn't his thing." Entrapta said as she watched Hordak walk away.

"He's fine, really, where did you find him?" Glimmer asked, avoiding thinking about her fantasy, mainly in ways it could have gone. If she hadn't been snapped out of it how would it have gone, who would Hordak have been more interested in? For some reason She couldn't see anything happening with her other than what already had happened.

"He had been posting a blog about his continued experiments with a certain machine he was building, and i messaged him. That's about it, i just messaged him. I went to his house to see what he was working with and we hit it off." Entrapta leaned in to Glimmer's ear to whisper the next part. "Plus he's super hot and I might have worn a push up bra to you know, get something going without having to be good at talking."

Glimmer almost couldnt' hear Entrapta over the noise of everyone else in the room. She had been so much louder the rest of the time it hadn't been a problem before. All the people started crowing around the center of the room and their small corner of the court was most vacant now, save for a few wallflowers. "Well that sounds great! You'll have to tell me more about him sometime." Glimmer said, losing her balance and taking a few steps in place.

"Oh no." Bow said as he saw this. "Talk to you later Entrapta, we need to get going." Bow said as he rushed Glimmer and him out the nearest entrance doors and into the hall. The hall was already crowded enough with people leaning against the walls and people talking on couches. There was a group of people right in front of the main doors using tarot cards which Glimmer almost laughed at the contradiction of using tarots in a catholic church. Although she presumed no one here was actually catholic, not even Rogelio. She was willing to bet money that he begged to be the priest because he had a marriage license and a robe.

"Bow what are you doing? I'm fine, let's go back in and have some fun." Glimmer half lied, she was perfectly fine to go back in, but she wasn't exactly sure one hundred percent. There was room for doubt, given her impromptu fantasy and the beer air suffocating everyone in the room.

"Glimmer, you haven't slept in two days thanks to work, and I'm pretty sure your stay awake pills are starting to not work." Bow replied.

"I can just go back to the car and get some more pills. There isn't any reason to go home, this is Catra and Adora's wedding party. We can't go. We are never going to be to a party this wild again. And I'm pretty sure in an hour there's gonna be an orgy." Glimmer justified.

"The orgy started a while ago Glimmer, when you left Frosta she immediately started convincing people to fuck her. And now there's an orgy." Bow said back.

"How would you know?!" Glimmer said, not wanting to believe what he was saying.

"I saw it all happen, that's when i went to look for Entrapta."

"Excuse me." Sea Hawk interrupted them, an unconscious Frosta slung over his shoulders. "I'm pretty sure she came with you."

"Yeah, what happened to her?" Glimmer asked as she moved Frosta from Sea Hawks shoulders to her own. "And where are her clothes?"

"Well the first answer is that Frosta got very drunk and Mermista tried to have her take nine inches of pure sea shanty awesomeness and she kind of, puked. She passed out right after and Mermista told me to bring her to you guys. And as for her clothes, I'm sure I couldn't find them if i tried." Sea Hawk answered.

"Where's Mermista?" Bow asked.

"Oh, she should be in the kitchen right now, she mentioned something about grapes. Whether or not she meant real grapes or was insulting Frosta's tits i don't know."

"I'M FUCKING JESUS!" Mermista's yell being heard down the hall.

"Or she's turning tap water into wine again. I don't know if she remembers that tap i always on the rocks." Sea Hawk said before making his way down the hall to stop Mermista, but not in a rush.

"Well, I guess this means we can leave." Glimmer said, accepting the fact the new twenty one year old was on her shoulder passed out naked and they had to leave. "Get your jacket, we can't walk her outside with nothing on her it's too cold." Bow nodded and walked over to the closet to grab his coat.

"We can tell Adora and Catra that we're sorry for leaving early when they get back from their honeymoon." Bow said as he slipped his coat onto Frosta. Bow finished putting the sleeves on Frosta and lifted her onto his shoulders as they left. They got there early and was parked right next to the front doors. Glimmer got in the side seat as Bow buckled the passed out Frosta in the back.

"Should we take her back to our place or to her apartment?" Bow asked as he buckled himself in.

"There is no way we're taking her to her apartment, there isn't a heater and it smells like shit. If her other friends are there she might roll over onto a needle, we're taking her home." Glimmer said, a little frustration coming through when thinking about Frosta's place.

"Home it is. Did you have fun?" Bow asked as he pulled out of the parking spot and onto the road.

"Yeah I had fun, everyone was drinking and we got to see Adora and Catra almost fuck. I don't think there was a chance we weren't going to have fun. Oh, it's already past midnight? It doesn't feel that late." Glimmer said looking at the green light from the cars radio.

"Entrapta's boyfriend seemed nice, a little scary but nice." Bow started. "If he really is working with Entrapta on something I'll probably see him a lot more."

"Did you see his arms?" Glimmer asked.

"Yeah, prosthetics. I wonder if that was because of an accident or if that's just how he is." Bow answered.

"Not that, but, actually i hadn't noticed they were prosthetics. I thought he was just really buff." Glimmer said. "He isn't Adora buff but he's up there."

"So you liked him?" Bow asked.

"Uh, I'm tired, I'm gonna sleep on the drive home." Glimmer said before relaxing into her seat and closing her eyes as bow pulled up to a stoplight.

A week later Bow and Glimmer were in bed together. Bow could tell something was up, Glimmer had a look on her face that screamed she was focusing really hard. Clearly trying to imagine something as he went down on her. As he moved his tongue up and down and in and out as Glimmer pushed his head into her.

"Is something on your mind?" Bow asked lifting his head up for a moment. Taking time out of his work to make sure Glimmer was having the best time. "Would you like me to do something else?"

"Is now really the best time Bow?!" Glimmer yelled, frustrated that he stopped.

"Isn't it? I do have to go to sleep early tonight, so I'd think so." Bow answered.

"Ugh, fine. I was talking to Frosta earlier and she was telling me about some things we could do."

"Like?"

"Well, would you be fine with another person being involved?" Glimmer asked.

"I'm not doing anything with Frosta." Bow shot back quickly.

"Not with her!" Glimmer defended. "But like, if there was another guy involved?"

"Like a threesome? I'd be fine with that." Bow said, getting move comfortable.

"Not like, well, Frosta was telling me about this thing called voyeurism. And I'd like to give it a try." Glimmer said, slowly coming down from her high from a moment ago.

"Oh, so you want someone to, watch us?" Bow asked hesitantly.

"Well," Glimmer debated even continuing talking about this. "More like, I'd like to watch."

"I'm not so sure I'd be comfortable banging someone that isn't you, you are my wife." Bow said.

"Fiancee, we aren't married yet." Glimmer shot back, smile on her face, assured that she was going to win this.

"Okay, so me and another guy? Did you like, have anyone in mind?" Bow asked.

"Yeah actually, you said Hordak was in an open relationship right?"

"I said Entrapta was." Bow answered. "I don't know about Hordak."

"Well he is, I've actually already talked about Hordak with Entrapta over the phone plenty of times."

"You've already planned this." Bow said with squinted eyes at Glimmer.

"Hordak likes to sing during sex apparently. Entrapta said the first time they did he sang walking on the sun by smash mouth." Glimmer said.

"I still think that band sounds like a porno." Bow said to himself. "Fine, whatever, I'll do it if it'll make you happy."

Suddenly without warning Entrapta burst through the door making Bow screech like a walrus.

"That's all we needed to hear." Entrapta said over Bow's screeching.

"What the fuck are you doing here!" Bow screamed, throwing a blanket over himself and Glimmer. "How did you get in here?! How long?! Get out."

"I'm here to film a porno with my boyfriend. Frosta let me in. And I've been here for like two hours. We watched iron man two. Also why?"

"Because me and Glimmer are naked!" Bow screamed.

"I invited her." Glimmer said.

"But why though?!" Bow yelled back.

"I just said to film a porno." Entrapta said to herself. "I feel like you guys just ignore what I say sometimes. I feel like I could say that two plus two is four and you'd still ask the person next to you what two plus two is."

"It's a little rude." Hordak said walking through the doorframe behind Entrapta. "Can we get this over with? I don't want to be here any longer than we have to be."

"Right now?! I only just agreed to saying maybe." Bow yelled still confused.

"Please baby? It'll only be a quick thing. He fucks you, I watch, I jill, Entrapta films, and then they leave."

"Uuuuuuuugh, you better be happy i love you." Bow said as he threw the covers off.

"Oh my." Entrapta said to herself.

"Why the hell are you getting on the ceiling?!" Bow yelled.

"I'm a fucking bat mate." Hordak said. "Is the camera rolling?"

"It's rolling sweetie." Entrapta said moving to the side.

"A bat? Seriously? You look like a fucking cenobite, you look like someone took the pins out of pinheads face. And you're face is so white it looks like you stole it from an anti social shut in." Glimmer said.

"Ok, that's harsh, do you want me to fuck your husband or not. Keep talking like that and nothing is going to happen." Hordak said.

"Just take your pants off so we can get this over with." Bow said.

And suddenly everyones phones started to buzz to life. Everyone exchanged glances to one another before going to their phones. Hodak was the first to see his screen and instantly fall unconscious to the floor. Causing a shock to everyone else.

"Should we see what's going on?" Bow asked.

"His phone is still on, let's just look at his." Entrapta said.

Soon everyone was huddled around the dropped phone, each of them horrified by what they saw. Entrapta held her hand to her mouth and rushed to the bathroom to vomit. Bow started repeatedly say no, getting louder with each word. And Glimmer collapsed to the floor, tears streaming down her face.

Hordak slowly woke up. "Why." He said slowly. "Why did they give him human teeth?" Hordak said slowly as he pushed himself off the ground. "THOSE FRICKERS RUINDED SONIC!"

"I CAN"T LISTEN TO GANGSTA'S PARADISE ANYMORE!" Entrapta cried from the toilet.

"I used to trust Jim Carrey," Bow started. "Ever since he married bowser i trused him."

"I'm going to eat my wedding ring." Glimmer said as she took off her ring. She exchanged a glance with Bow before continuing, looking for some hope. Bow merely nodded with tears in his eyes.

"It's the only way." Bow said. Prompting Glimmer to eat and choke on her wedding ring. "At least, it wont be as bad as the super mario movie."

Glimmer immediately punched herself in the gut and coughed up her wedding ring. "FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU!"

The end for all you fuckers. This is literally the worst thing i've written if you don't count the pinecest story i wrote.


End file.
